The Tudors, A Quick Guide for the Perplexed Part 1

The Tudors: A Modern Family

Greetings my well regarded readers. Forgive the delay since my previous missive. It has been frantically busy here in the Antipodes. The summer holidays, as damp and cyclone and flooding afflicted as they were have ended. Now we have that special time of year when the 2011 school year starts. All the eager Houslings have been reequipped, clothed and reshoed ready for their first week, and by all that is holy, wasn’t that an incredibly expensive experience. For the privilege of free education at a State school it seems that the House clan has to cough up thousands in text books, computers and “compulsory” fees which are apparently really ‘non compulsory’ except that you have to pay them, or the Houslings are barred from accessing the computers or the library and so on. Anyway the woes of ‘modern’ education could fill a thousand blogs so we’ll leave that complaint for much later.

As my devoted readers will have noticed the epublishing debate rages on I include a link from the LA Times that may prove informative and amusing.

http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-gatekeepers-20101226,0,1203901,ful/l.story

Which concisely points out a simple fact ignored by many publishers- the reading public are actually the ones who work out whether a book or writer is worthwhile. As has been stated in other media, a growing number of published authors are waiting for their contracts to run out so that they can place their older work straight out in the e-book market. For e-publishers this shift is also welcome news, since they’re relying on niche markets and simple forms of advertising as well as social media to promote their work. To indie writers and especially your humble servant the good doctor its a viable and cost effective opportunity to get our stories straight to the reader, without going through the grovelling, marketing and accounting hoops of the publishing industry.

Which as far as I’m concerned is excellent, since their usual prognostications have as much validity as that famous quip from Decca to the Beatles in 1962–‘we don’t like their sound and guitar music is on the way out’. Or of course the ever popular Chairman of IBM’s prediction in 1943- ‘I think there is a world markets for five computers’. Oh dear how wrong they were.

So I suppose its entirely reasonable to understand how the publishing industry totally missed the surge in Tudor interest.

I mean its such a boring dreary period. Absolutely nothing happened, no dramatic love triangles (Henry, Katherine and Anne) no illicit affairs (Henry’s mistresses all several of them) no bloody revenge of spurned wives from the grave (Katherine to Anne as on historian has suggested no zombies though) a complete lack of tragedy and pathos (the death of Jane Seymour and the official murder of Anne). And its not as if there’s any link with a few modern social crises such as growing radical religious division (protestants v’s catholics) or even the abuses of government or elitists hierarchies (Oh dear, where to start the list, the church, the Act of Supremacy, stacking Parliament).

Then again its was such a different world and of course they didn’t have the benefit of the internet or social media. Instead the early printing presses that ran almost 24/7 pumping out books, pamphlets and ballads all striving to put new ideas into public circulation. Not that the flood of new literature or radically fast communication had anything to do with the sudden burgeoning of ideas and changes in society. So as I said it’s no wonder that the publishing industry has consigned the Tudors to the status of a lowly niche market, inhabited by readers of historical romance and history devotees nutters. (oops Uber editor’s correction that should have been devotees, after all would our dearly beloved publishing industry ever label any of their readers as nutters?

So be it, as you’ve no doubt read in my prior posts, the Tudor era is where I’ll be launching my first series of books. As I’ve briefly outlined above this fascinating period of British history is packed full of bloodshed, treachery, manipulative scheming politicians, overt sexual tensions, a dominating monarch and a simmering religious feud that threatened to erupt into civil war. This has recently been made even more accessible by the history programs of David Starkey on Henry VIII and his Wives as well as the kind of accurate cross between a soap opera and history for television series The Tudors http://www.cbc.ca/tudors/

Leading on from that I was checking up with my ‘unbiased’ reviewer this afternoon regarding my Tudor novel I’d recently sent him to proof read. He quite gratifyingly said it was really good and a lot of fun to read. Naturally I thought this was fantastic news. Imagine at this stage a series of energetic cartwheels and popping champagne corks. Then after my brief moment of euphoria, he uttered those dreaded words feared by any writer- ‘however’. It amazing how a simple word like ‘however’ can strike you with bone shaking dread. His use of it was luckily only as a member of the very general reading audience, thus not quite so chilling. He found it a little confusing sorting out the characters and their motives. Considering the twists, turns, reversals and abrupt terminations of the Tudor family affairs that is perfectly understandable, so as a rough guide to the perplexed here is the potted version of Tudor characters



Historical Characters

Henry VIII: King of England and Ireland, though he also longs for a chance to renew a hereditary claim to the French crown, which is why it’s stored amongst the royal titles in case of need. Henry has a serious problem due to the ravages of disease and the lottery of genetics. He is the last legitimate male Tudor. Apart from him, there is only one daughter Mary and a scattering of nieces and nephews via his two sisters. What’s worse is that he knows that if he has a ‘sudden accident’, his wife Katherine will immediately arrange a marriage of his daughter Mary to her cousins, the Hapsburgs. This possibility doesn’t improve the notoriously fickle royal humour, since Henry views her family as inherently manipulative and untrustworthy. So as the biological clock ticks away Henry desperately needs an annulment of his first marriage so that he can marry again and gain a son as heir. Simple isn’t it.

Katherine of Aragon: Queen of England and aunt of the Hapsburg Emperor Charles V, who happens to be master of half of Europe as well as the limitless riches of the New World. Katherine has a serious problem. She could only provide one living child for the English throne, a daughter Mary. By 1528 she is past child bearing age and she knows Henry is desperate for a male heir. However that can only happen if she is out of the way. This presents a difficulty since Katherine likes being queen and she wants her daughter to be queen. The solution is simple- she gains her Hapsburg nephew’s support and stymies Henry’s efforts for a legal papal divorce. In this endeavour Katherine is not alone, she has a number of both public and secret English backers in positions of power and influence. Some are men of principle and honour, while others seek to gain from a continuation of the current dynastic problem, or profit from the dispute. One more factor that is frequently ascribed to her motives, is a very deep Castilian desire for revenge. No one casts aside the daughter of Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain!



Anne Boleyn: the beloved mistress of King Henry and the essential reason for the annulment commission. Her sister is rumoured to have had a son to Henry so in royal eyes the odds of a male heir are good. Anne however, wants the legal recognition of a marriage for advancement and protection. Thus the complicated legal and biblical wrangling and negotiations to and fro with the Pope that lasts for years. It’s also been said around the court that Anne is both the driving force behind Henry and keen on the heretical ideas of Luther. If her potential husband has to break with Rome, then she won’t shed a tear over it. Whether she or Henry made the first move to ramp up the affair is now irrelevant. In the bitter factional rivalry of the Tudor court it has become a do or die effort. Anne is very aware of the penalty for faltering or failure- a quick river trip to the Tower.

Thomas Wolsey: Cardinal legate, Archbishop of York and the Lord Chancellor of England. The supreme administrator of the kingdom and right hand of the king. He has gained this position by solving all the king’s problems and increasing his master’s status amongst the powers of Europe. However, as an upstart commoner he is loathed by the nobility, while as the instigator of high taxes and for his supreme arrogance, he is actively hated by the commoners. With the advent of Anne Boleyn Wolsey’s power begins to slip and the Cardinal is caught in a quandary. If he pushes Anne’s cause she gains power. If he doesn’t, he loses the trust and support of the King and falls. In the end he plays a dangerous game of prevarication and delay, hoping for change of mood in his fickle royal master or until he can find a substitute for that damn Boleyn woman. Or alternately a shift in the power balance in Europe makes ‘Lady Anne’ vulnerable.



Here endeth part 1 I will conclude this blog with a promo from the up coming Cardinal’s Angels that will be released on Smashwords and Amazon very soon.


The Cardinal’s Angels

A novel of Murder, Treason and Heresy in Henry VIII’s England

This set of stories follows the life and adventures of Edward (Red Ned) Bedwell, a young apprentice lawyer at Gray’s Inn and reluctant investigator who experiences first hand the tumult and intrigue during the reigns of the Tudor monarchs from Henry VIII to Queen Elizabeth I. As a comparison it is similar to the Lindsay Davis Falco novels set in ancient Rome and like other historical mystery novels examines the rivalries, ambitions and human foibles that frequently led to treachery and murder.

It is the year 1529, and the kingdom is embroiled in the factional politics of ‘the King’s Great Matter’, Henry VIII’s divorce from Katherine of Aragon. While celebrating the successful ‘sting’ of Canting Michael the gang lord of Southwark at the bear baiting ring, Ned finds himself dragged into a tavern brawl over honour. Later in the notorious ‘Clink Goal’ he awakes with only a blurry recollection and finds himself accused of murdering a royal official, a servant of Cardinal Wolsey, the Lord Chancellor of England, a dangerous man to cross. To save himself from the charge of treason and secure the support of his unwilling uncle, Ned has to search out the real culprits and their motives for murder. In the back streets of London he acquires some very reluctant allies – Meg Black an apprentice apothecary and her brother Rob, who find themselves caught up as witnesses to the deadly brawl. Their combined skills, inventiveness and trust are put to the test as the hunt by competing lords of the kingdom intensifies. What is so important that the retainers of the Dukes of Norfolk, and Suffolk as well as those of the spurned Queen Katherine are so keen to kill for? Is it the mystery of the Cardinal’s Angels, golden coins of the realm found hidden within church candles or a set of cryptic letters in the slain man’s purse? What could be worth more than gold and why is Dr Agryppa, the astrologer, so keen to help Ned, and if so would he risk his soul in accepting the bargain?

If that isn’t complicated enough, Ned over heard a discussion between Meg Black and her business partner regarding his permanent ‘removal’ in case ‘he’ discovered their secret trade?

As the good doctor says keep taking the pills!

Ebooks! The Horror ! The Horror!

A Fevered Imagination, Ebooks! The Horror ! The Horror!

Good day my well regarded viewers, devoted House-ophiles all.  I hope this latest missive finds you all in excellent health. No need for consultation from the good doctor? No physick or bleeding required, hmm? Excellent just remember the balancing of the four humours is an important part of your chosen physician’s duties, making sure that one doesn’t suffer from any excesses of black bile that could trigger an angry or choleric disposition. What’s that you say? Well let the good doctor give you an example from real life. Last week we had a light hearted discussion of the potential advantages of e-publishing. A simple piece, of course packed full of, ahem, wisdom and foresight. Unfortunately it seems to have prompted all manner of ragingly rabid articles from the publishing industry in both the press and on the blogging scene. All warned in stern tones of calamity, both dire and dreadful, if agents and publishers loose control of the literature market. Now, they are the perfect example of what I’m talking about.



My diagnosis is as follows;

An excess of choler ‘made light by its very strong heat has been drawn inexorably upwards in fumes and bodily steams until it has reached the moist atmosphere of the brain. Once there its mellifluous strength has overthrown the natural order of that noble organ and caused a madness of frenzy and delirium. Based on my reading of the Secreta Secretorum








Now as for treatment, mayhap ice baths to bring down the inflamed choler. Perhaps if that doesn’t help, the application of an electrical stimulus to the tender portions may drive off the evil vapours. If even that fails, then I fear they are in God’s hands since we have reached the limits of physical medicine. After that only prayer and scourging can bring them back from the haunts of Bedlam.




What was that? Are you implying that the use of cattle prods is a tad harsh, unbefitting of the status of a master of physick? I fear that if anything we are being too gentle in our treatments. Let me give you a further example of the depth of their current mania. One Antipodean ‘self styled editor’s blog in a recent entry openly gloated with unrestrained joy over rejected applications some hundred years old. Satisfaction is gained in many diverse practices and we must learn to be broad minded. It takes all types I suppose. But then they wistfully remarked how satisfying it still was, to crush those undeserving worms who dare question ‘their’ literary judgement. I mean to say they must be right, after all dozens of agents and publishers justifiably knocked back that minor no talent non-entity JK Rowling, and well her books hardly made a ripple in modern culture did they? At this point the good doctor’s uber editor has included the following. This household of Houslings now possesses not one set of JK Rowling books but two, as second son decided he wanted his own copies.

Though that is a minor symptom of the delirium, I have found others more severe as this snippet from a relatively recent publishing conference will show;


“…today’s book publishers have some significant advantages as they compete for their places of prominence in the niched world that is evolving. The book publishers’ royalty relationship with authors is a key strength. It means that authors will collaborate by blogging or posting articles without necessarily demanding compensation.” Mike Shatzkin Publishing the Story of the Future Seminar 2007

Now that segment speaks of a real problem with delusions of grandeur, a true brain fever of the worst sort, similar to the one that afflicted my Lord Essex in his rebellion against her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth. Perhaps it is best expressed by a more modern concept- megalomania. I’m sure all my readers know the sort of difficulties that affliction can cause-lots of cannon fodder driven forward by ‘incentives’.

Now onto the next symptom of the malady, from the choleric vapours permeating the brain, to the inability to distinguish reality;

On their blog another local and ‘anonymous’ ‘publishing’ identity has displayed a confusion when it comes to simple numbers.

if you buy a Kindle for $189 and your first e-book is $20, you're essentially paying $209 to buy that e-book. Extract from anonymous blogger 20/01/11
If I remember correctly, Kindle was reduced to $139 sometime around August 2010 and a quick search on Amazon’s Kindle ebook list gives prices from 99c to an average $8.00. As for this strange logic, if you applied that to the purchase of a new car then your drive home from the showroom is $25,000 plus a tank of fuel ($35) equalling a ten kilometre trip worth $25,035. Terribly expensive isn’t it?
The same blogger unfortunately continues their mental confusion with the following;

and thousands of e-books available, will covers for each individual book matter any more? Perhaps not. Rather, the author's brand may have more significance as a visual cue. Just like the old wax seal on an envelope, the author's personal brand will identify their e-books as a product… Extract from anonymous blogger 20/01/11

Apparently in ‘their’ regard, the reader has no more wit than a sheep who can be easily led by a glowing brand name. So the supposition of this particular delusion is that brand name surpasses quality. Even more disturbing is the suggestion that covers, the eye candy and memory mnemonics of all modern books, magazines, games and the linchpin of the internet graphics surge, will be in the e-revolution, superfluous. I ask you, is this the discourse of a sane and rational person?

What was that you said?



Oh, of course I’ll reattach the electrodes!



Ehh… up the voltage? Certainly, after all it is essential to expel that vile humour. The screams you say, a bit LOUD? Don’t worry it’s just temporary until the laudanum kicks in. Anyway pain is good for healing process!



In the meantime the good doctor asks you to consider whether agents and publishers have been those stout gatekeepers of literary quality, as they querulously maintain. I’m sure, as discerning consumers and intelligent people you haven’t rushed out to buy a book because a marketer has said, in blaring tones that it’s the latest must read! Or have you ever looked at an over promoted book in absolute disbelief at its lack of a story, plot, editing or even coherence. Or perhaps thought quietly to your self that perhaps a drunken snail on a keyboard could do better? Well the good doctor respects the reading public and I’m certain you’ll all act responsibly and not foam and rave like those poor deluded fools we’ve been prescribing. Just remember as they rattle their chains and moan they deserve our pity.




What? Another serve of shock therapy? If you insist, I only do this for the greater good.



As the good doctor say keep taking the pills!



And watch out for the first two Red Ned Tudor murder mysteries Cardinal’s Angels and the Queen’s Oranges they’re coming out soon on Smashwords and Amazon!

To Epublish or not Epublish, that is the Question?

Epublishing a Chance for Writers?

Greetings my well regarded readers, all several of you, I hope that this New Year celebration and holiday has left you relaxed and refreshed rather than frazzled and stressed out. If the later then a good firkin of methaglyn will definitely restore the balance of the humours and good cheer. I thought today we’d discuss a vexing subject of our literary times; whether it is nobler to published in print or suffer the slings and arrows of epublishing.
As many of you will have seen before Christmas and since there has been an absolute hysteria from both the publishing and retailing industries regarding the proliferation of ebooks and their electronic readers plus the growing impact of online purchases. Here in the Antipodes it has even prompted large retailing chains to howl indignantly over the apparent unfair GST (Goods and Sales Tax) status of on line purchase. Apparently their extremely expensive marketing consultants completely missed the steady growth of companies like Amazon or Ebay and the increasing strength of the Aussie dollar over this last decade.

One wonders how every one else appeared to pick up this trend while senior executives and consultants missed it, are they perhaps they’re still living in a pre digital pre internet world? Though maybe that’s not so surprising, this same collection of highly qualified and experienced commerce experts also totally missed the six months or more of warnings of the Great Economic Meltdown so perhaps we should allow them some latitude in relation to the internet.
After all the siren song of voodoo economics is so hard to give up.

There done that, vented my spleen now on to e-publishing.

On my way up to my old friend Nick’s funeral I spent quite a few hours with many of my old school friends, and as expected we swapped stories about families and current pursuits. All of a sudden I found that I had to condense four plus years of trying to get published the traditional way and going along the new e-publish path into a very short explanation, and to be honest it wasn’t that easy. I found that a lot of myths had grown up around the getting published process, ones that now I examine them are very difficult to accept.
Now in a very light hearted and satirical fashion the good doctor covered the perils and processes of publishing in a prior blog (see Publishing Gregory House), so just regard this as part 2.


Publishing, The Sequel!


The Query Tread Mill

Long accepted practice has the aspiring author send off a two hundred word or so grovelling query letter outlining their brilliant literary masterpiece along with a brief outline of qualifications, suitability and marketability to an agent or publishing house. On the surface this is a sound practical process and has been so for over a hundred years. It is meant as a sorting mechanism to winnow out the literary wheat from the chaff, however real life proves more quirky.

Most agents and publishers make it very plain in their web pages (those that have them, which is by no means all) that your query will be handled in due course ranging in time from weeks to months. After that little flash of truth you’re then informed that during this lengthy process of deliberation if during that time you get tired of waiting for a reply and decide to send your query to anyone else. The original recipients will trash your query and put a big black mark next to your name.
Alright lets do the maths lets say you’ve narrowed down twenty A grade ‘potentials’ and give each a two month turnaround (this is an average period, some claim one month turnaround other three or longer). That’s three and one third years!
Excuse me? Let me get this right, you want ‘me’ to put my business proposal on hold for how long? Until you’ve deigned to notify me if my proposal has even been ‘reviewed’ before I can send it to someone else? I mean, is this for real? Isn’t that a touch monopolistic as well as incredibly un-business like and impractical? Not to mention woefully Dickensian?

Quality Assured?

Over the Aethernet one apocryphal tale does the rounds, a well known author as a test sent off hundreds of query letters based on an already popular and published work. The result was dismal, not only did they gain few replies, most of those hadn’t twigged to the apparently obvious clues. Oh dear human nature strikes again!
The other point in queries that always concerns me is that while query letters make time management sense, I’m not sure the ability to churn out a two hundred word bite is necessarily the same as that required for a one or two hundred thousand word novel.
To give a comparable real world example, it would be like judging a student’s year long efforts solely on a two paragraph submission. As if any teacher could get away with that! Opps, bad example but you get the drift.

Editing?

Some of the complaints from the publishing industry have focused with a ferociously rabid righteous indignation on the expected drop in editing and story quality with the anticipated flood of e-published books surging tsunami like into the market. If they are to be believed the rampant barbarian hordes of almost illiteracy are howling at the gates, battering rams swinging, slavering with eagerness to defile the chaste virgins of literature. Well maybe not quite like that, but that’s not far off the level of hysteria as currently portrayed. The advent of the personal computer over twenty years ago was heralded as the dawn of the new age of literary expansion, more talented writers would be able to produce a greater volume and diversity of stories. So it has proved, however we are now told most of them are functionally illiterate without the guiding hand and steady editing pencil of the experienced agent and publisher.

Having taught high school and university level courses there is a shadow of truth there, but perhaps no more than in any generation of complaints about education quality. Now I strongly agree that editing is the key to any successful writing, god knows I’d be in a pickle without my uber-editor Jocelyn to rearrange the commas or sort out the phrases and adjectival clauses. However I find the strident proclamations of the publishing industry as bastions of writing and language to be somewhat hollow.

Several books of my recent acquaintance proved to be the denizens of strange and unusual realms of grammar, one book of a popular adventure genre had a three page sentence before the first full stop. While a recently highly praised and awarded literati winner swapped around tenses more frequently than serves in a ping pong match. This may be postmodern démodé but it made the story impossible to figure out who was saying what to whom and why. That of course is the extreme or maybe not. Perhaps I’m being too picky, but after spending twenty plus dollars I like a story to be:

a) Interesting
b) Well written
c) Coherent
d) Entertaining or scary, or gut wrenching, or full of pathos, or even thoughtful
e) Edited, in that the main characters retains their own names throughout the story
f) Or we do not display the Tudor attitude to spelling (a very ‘individual’ approach)

After twenty dollars plus I have found there is rarely a guarantee of quality, so as for being guardians of the public weal of language and quality products I would have to rate them as a dismal failure.


Publicity, Marketing and… Distance

Traditional agents and publishers frequently promise to handle all the publicity and marketing of your literary creation. Well that’d be fine if only you could trust they’d do a good job, I mean I only have to mention the plethora of headless bimbo covers of previous blogs. Oh dear sorry about that, the sarcasm gear slipped into overdrive again. Damn that dicky clutch! What I meant to say was that publishers and agents will ‘encourage’ you to do book signings and engage in marketing and promotions as well as set up a website and of course social media is a must! Hang on we’ve got a slight problem there. Isn’t that exactly what I have to do as an e-publisher? Well what do you know it actually is! And I don’t get charged a marketing percentage or agent’s fee and its all tax deductable to me, wow amazing! Why didn’t I think of this before?

As an Aussie I understand the tyranny of distance. It’s a damn vast place with a thousand kilometres between each major city. So travelling around for me isn’t unusual. Authors are frequently told they have to get out and market their work via book signings and media events. Now this may be easy for those living in Capital cites like London or the New England to Richmond Va. region or even L.A (sometimes). However if you don’t, like a very large number of aspiring authors, then distance is your enemy in so many ways. One of the greatest obstacles is surprisingly prejudice based on region. Unfortunately a significant number of urbanites, their life circumscribed by concrete and pavement, frequently regard your queries and submissions as coming from deepest Hicksville or Uppercumbucka West and sneeringly automatically bin them. Sorry seen it.

The solution of course is simple, use the internet. The action however is another matter requiring intelligence, forethought and dedication.

Money !!!

Now we enter the sordid world or finance where the purity of art is soiled by grubby commercial considerations. Ain’t it wonderful! Now in the current market the author, that’s the person who slaved away for months to produce the work is the least compensated, garnering usually a lot less than twenty percent of the ‘net’ profit more often fifteen or ten. Now lots of publishing companies will huff affrontedly over that ‘figure’ claiming the high cost of printing, distribution, marketing and publishing expenses. In some case they may even have justification, however according to ‘modern’ accounting practices whether the author’s work sells or not they still make money on it. Now we arrive at e-publishing placing a book in the electronic market place does not involve either distribution, or printing. So the question is how can a publisher still claim such a high percentage? Personally I’ll cut out all those expensive and superfluous middle men and go with Smashwords, who guarantee that around 80% of the sale price goes to the authors. Thanks Mark Crocker for returning power to the authors keep up the good work!

So we’ve had a very satirical cruise through all the reasons why I’m going for e-publishing. I must add that the publishing world is not all bad. Out there in publisher land there has to be some decent hardworking agents and publishers. However their impact on the market has unfortunately been minimal. I, like many other authors, am now exercising my ‘free market’ rights and going digital, so hope to see you soon on an ebook reader of your choice!

As the good doctor says keep taking the pills!